From the Mind of Mesilla

Mommy, Mate, Me!

Self Worth November 15, 2010

Filed under: Churchy Posts,Little Man — mesillam @ 11:59 pm

I am officially changing direction on the blog.  It felt too shallow.

It has been a while since I posted anything and to be honest, I haven’t kept up with my FlyLady tasks very well.  I am definitely better than I used to be at keeping my house up, but I’m still not as good as I should be.  For a while, I could have people over any time.  The house was always picked up and company ready.  That was a great feeling.  I felt like a great wife and homemaker.

Then Little Man started having seasonal allergy symptoms and teething (just laying down roots, no teeth yet).  He was fussy, clingy and did not want to be put down.  He also went from sleeping through the night to waking up at least once, but sometimes three times at night and taking 45 minute naps instead of hour and a half or longer naps.  So we have both been pretty tired.  I didn’t get any housework done when he was awake and for the short time he did nap, I just wanted some “me time” and vacuuming was the last thing I wanted to do.

Thankfully, last night he slept for NINE hours straight!  He hadn’t done that in weeks.  I was so thankful.  Then he napped for two and a half hours plus took two more 45 minute naps.  After getting that much sleep, I was rested enough to feel like doing housework.  I got all of the Christmas presents wrapped, the whole house picked up and the laundry folded.  We have way too many clothes, so I only do laundry once a month.  It is a TON of laundry to fold and put away, so I had been procrastinating since Tuesday, but I got it all folded.  It felt great!  And I felt much better about myself.

Then I sat back and thought about it.  Should I really get my self esteem from the cleanliness of my house?  Yes, a dirty, cluttered house could be an indication of a lot of negative characteristics and a clean house could indicate some positive ones.  But a cluttered house could also mean that I spent more time cuddling my sick little boy than loading the dishwasher.  Isn’t that what I should be doing?  Little Man is my priority, after my relationship with Christ and my husband and they would rather me take care of him than keep the house perfect at all times.  (I realized all of the sudden that I had blogged about this same topic already.  It was on day five of FlyLady’s Beginner Baby Steps.  Will I ever learn?)

After I felt better about myself because I was taking good care of Little Man, even if the house wasn’t perfect, I thought about it some more, because, my worth doesn’t even come from being a good mom.  My worth only comes from being a child of God.  I am never going to be perfect even if the house and my son are perfect (which they never will be).  It is not possible.  I should strive to follow Christ and I think that means taking care of my responsibilities, but it is guaranteed that I will fail.  Even then, I am loved by my King.  He chose me.  That should be enough to never have self esteem issues!

Here are some pictures of my little guy from Halloween and the pumpkin patch.  He was the cutest little candy corn!

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